June 13th, 2010 by jwting
“You can observe a lot by watching.”
Yogi Berra
If Yogi were writing this he’d most likely say, “You can hear a lot by listening”.
In negotiation, listening is a crucial but often overlooked step. And that’s a big mistake. I promote a negotiation methodology that is heavy on preparation, with a special eye for expanding the relationship. It’s about people working together and achieving great outcomes. Great negotiation is getting in that room with the other side and creating mutual success.
The best thing you can do once you’re “in the room” and the negotiation starts is…listen. That’s right, listen. Unfortunately most of us don’t listen well because we love to hear our own voice.
Here’s why listening matters in a negotiation: you need to verify that your perspective is on target. Because issues and relationships are dynamic. They move and flex and change over time.
I believe in a sequential process for negotiation. First we prepare. Then practice. And then we “get in the room”. Once there we start by listening because it’ll verify and confirm what we prepared for. Or not.
In business negotiations people are anxious to tell you what they need. If you ask what’s important to them, and then really, really listen…they’ll tell you everything you need to know. And knowing what they know is crucial to a successful negotiation.
Early on in my career a great mentor told me, “you have 2 ears and 1 mouth, so listen twice as much”. Great advice. Do it…you’ll amaze yourself what you can hear by listening.
In the Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop we use a step-by-step training regimen that drills out the mystery and paves the way for great outcomes. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT
Humble Confidence Inc.
www.humbleconfidence.com
May 14th, 2010 by jwting
“…Let me assert my firm belief, that the only thing we have to fear – is fear itself…” F.D.R., 1933
Truer words were never spoken. Fear keeps us from achieving great results.
Business negotiation is a tool to improve profitability and relationships at the same time. But most of us avoid negotiation entirely. Why? Research indicates it’s usually based on 3 deep-seated fears:
- Fear of Losing,
- Fear of Embarrassment, and
- Fear of over-stepping boundaries.
What is fear? Webster defines it as “anxious anticipation of danger”. My good friend Mark Siegel of the New York Institute of Hypnosis knows a thing or two about fear. He counsels his clients on how to manage and defeat those fears that debilitate us. He recently shared an acronym about fear that is perfect . Check out the first letters in these 4 words:
False Evidence Appearing Real
Mark said it best, “When you are focused on fear, you attract a bad outcome”.
As a kid, I had a serious fear of snakes. As an adult, I’ve lived in rural areas where snakes are common. Quite frankly, I got tired of the fear. So I dissected the fear. And what I found is that I’m not really afraid of the animal itself, but of being surprised by one. So when I’m in a field, yard or area where they may be…I expect to see one. I actually look for them. No more surprises. Here is the key: by raising that fear to a “conscious level”, it is no longer an “anxious anticipation of danger”. I replaced that fear with a rational expectation of what happens in nature…you see snakes.
Fearing negotiation means that we’ve already projected forward to a bad outcome. It doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, a great outcome is truly within your control. I believe anyone can negotiate effectively. If we replace our fear of losing, embarrassment and overstepping with the belief that we are intelligent, capable and prepared…we will negotiate well and achieve great outcomes. It’s within your reach. We can help.
In our Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop we embrace a step-by-step process that drills out the false evidence and replaces it with information, knowledge and strength. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT
John W. Tinghitella Humble Confidence Inc.
www.humbleconfidence.com
April 22nd, 2010 by jwting
It’s a fact: 70% of people prefer to avoid negotiation entirely. Just wish it would go away. It’s either a fear of losing, fear of embarrassment or fear of “overstepping” that drives this avoidance. Because somewhere buried deep inside us is a voice that says “don’t lose”, “don’t mess it up” or “don’t ask — you might offend”.
“Pound me once shame on you, pound me twice shame on me”. So we avoid.
Negotiation at its best is a wonderful tool to improve the bottom line while moving relationships forward. I’ve seen it, done it and reaped the benefits…you can to. But to get there you’ve got to overcome fear. We do that with a 3 step plan:
1) Conscious Approach. Face fears straight-on by raising them to the level of consciousness and then stare them down. Like this, “OK, I don’t like this because I’m worried about making a mistake and losing. But we have an opportunity to make some financial gains, and expand the relationship so we both grow. So I’m going to do this, even though I don’t want to.” Here’s the key…when fears rattle around in our sub-conscious they subtly, insidiously defeat us. When we look them in the eye, we defeat them.
2) Leverage Zone. Once we’ve stared our fears down, we need strength to get it done. And that happens by pumping up my leverage zone. Leverage Zone are those characteristics and advantages that are uniquely ours, and provide leverage. We identify them, document them and celebrate them. Enter leverage.
3) Embrace the Process. Conscious Approach and Leverage Zone are a great start. But by themselves they are not enough. We overcome fear with a third “whammy” which is process. One that is reliable, repeatable and practical. And the best way to do that is through what I call “Aggressive Preparation”. Not aggressive with other people, but aggressive with ourselves in order to do the heavy lifting during preparation that makes negotiation productive.
In our Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop we give you the tools and tactics to drill out natural fears and make negotiation work for you. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
April 10th, 2010 by jwting
There is nothing quite so promising as the enthusiasm of youth. I speak to many graduating seniors at business schools and the look in their eyes inspires me. They possess a “can do” attitude and believe that anything is possible.
I encourage these seniors to embrace negotiation as a tool to maximize first-job compensation, advance their careers and fortify relationships. Start early, while that “anything is possible” mindset is fresh and alive. “But wait” they say, “I have no professional track record. I haven’t ‘done’ anything yet”.
Whether you are new to the work-world or not, we all bring some differentiation that can win us that job or that deal. This difference is “your leverage zone”. In negotiation we use those strengths to convince the other side that our deal, our program, our product or our “self” is the one they need. Here are 3 powerful strategies anyone can use in any negotiation:
1 – Get in Your Leverage zone. Find and use those strengths that the “other side” needs. For example in a first-job interview:
•Do research, then offer up growth ideas. It shows not only initiative and creativity, but differentiation. Most people won’t or don’t do this.
•Find a parallel between your college activities and the business you’re pursuing. Employers care less about your lack of experience (they know it); they’re more interested in what you will do once hired. Make that connection. Again, most people don’t.
2 – Embrace the Process. To negotiate successfully, you must commit to a disciplined, data-driven approach. That means “aggressive preparation” every time. We use information, creativity, insight, documentation and practice to gain strength and achieve great outcomes.
3 – Ya’ Gotta Ask. Most people simply don’t ask for what they need in a negotiation. Ask! It’s amazing what happens when you do.
I believe in “windows of optimism”. Right after college, most of us believe the “world is our oyster”. We’re infused with fresh ideas, excitement and a passion to get started. There’s an edge to our psyche. Over time the reality of life will polish off some of that edge, but if you use negotiation early on to gain your best deal while strengthening relationships…you will achieve success sooner.
The Humble Confidence Negotiation Training for Graduating Seniors program is a great place to start. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
April 5th, 2010 by jwting
Most people fear negotiation. It must be the specter of someone trying to sell you something you don’t want, which feeds a deep fear of losing. The whole idea turns people sour on negotiation in general (70% of people prefer to avoid negotiation entirely).
It’s important to understand the difference between negotiations and competitions. A competition has a defined winner and loser. As in a ballgame. The team with more points, goals or runs wins. Other side loses. A negotiation is not so clear. In a great negotiation we maximize our deal while growing the relationship for both sides.
Consider that great “love-hate” experience known as buying a car. When buying a car from a private party, a dealership or a used car lot you don’t expect to ever see that sales person again. There’s no expectation of a future relationship. So it becomes a competition. In that case, compete. Use leverage, position and power to get the best deal you can, and don’t look back.
But in business there are 3 “people groups” you will face tomorrow that are core to your success: customers, suppliers and employees.
Webster defines a relationship as “dealings, as between people”. There is always the underlying expectation of a future connection or dealing. I define business negotiation as a tool that delivers both improved profitability while moving relationships forward. Or in other words, great outcomes.
So it stands to reason that The Relationship Must Outlive the Negotiation.
In the Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop we will show you how to negotiate effectively and achieve your objectives. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
March 25th, 2010 by jwting
It’s a fact: upon leaving college, women are 4 times less likely to use negotiation to advance their career interests than men. This reluctance is a major factor in why women earn only 77% as much as men in the workplace.
We’ve identified many times on this blog site how people resist negotiation. Don’t want to do it. That’s especially true of women.
Cautionary note: I am not a gender psychologist. But I have observed what I call the “female-negotiation-avoidance-phenomenon” my entire career. I’m not alone. In their groundbreaking work entitled “Ask For It: How women can use the power of negotiation to get what they really want”, authors Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever study the issue in depth. It boils down to this: women in business are more reluctant to ask for what is rightfully theirs than men.
I’m realistic. We can’t snap our fingers and undo the thousands of years of history that brought us to today. But we can start by improving negotiation outcomes for women, one negotiation at a time.
We do that through great training. I believe that with a proper plan and solid process, anyone can negotiate effectively. But the key is fighting through resistance and gaining a willingness to negotiate in the first place. Here are three key steps to making negotiation your success tool:
1) Face fears and overcome reluctance;
2) Use data and aggressive preparation to our advantage;
3) Accept nuances and develop our own effective style.
You can do this. I’d love to explain how.
In the Humble Confidence Negotiation Training, you’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT John Tinghitella Humble Confidence Inc.
www.humbleconfidence.com
March 2nd, 2010 by jwting
Most people avoid negotiation entirely. 70% in fact. That’s a problem because negotiations are a great way to move relationships forward. Unfortunately with so much reluctance and avoidance, it’s a safe bet that many deals stall because we just don’t want to negotiate. And that is due to a fear of losing. There is a better way.
We start with clear objectives. Negotiations should always include these two objectives:
1) Gain the best deal for our side;
2) Achieve “Both Grow” status in which the relationship elevates for both sides.
The first objective is driven off the financial realities of business, and our need to protect the bottom line.
The second speaks to a basic principle in business: The Relationship Must Outlive The Negotiation. Let’s take it one step further and use the negotiation to elevate and improve the relationship. But wait a minute, are we serving two conflicting masters here? How can we boost our deal and the relationship at the same time?
We do that with commitment and a good process. If you negotiate with a “win at all costs” attitude, you’ll be replacing customers, suppliers and employees regularly. Which is costly and just flat wrong.
In her bestselling book Fierce Leadership, Susan Scott captures the point succinctly: “Without relationships, there is no voltage”. The voltage that powers our business is relationships. And the converse is a “power outage” called stalled deals and a failed enterprise.
You can achieve both objectives. We can help.
The Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop is 3 hours long. We will show you how to improve both your bottom line and key relationships. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success. Let’s talk soon.
JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
February 20th, 2010 by jwting
I learned early on in my career that bringing a product, brochure, testimonial or “prop” to any meeting, is absolutely necessary. Whether it’s a sales call, interview or team discussion, keep in mind that people learn and absorb information in different ways. 40% of us are visual, 40% are kinesthetic (touch) and 20% are auditory. If we depend only on the sound of our own words, we potentially miss 80% of the audience.
With that in mind, let’s dive into a painfully simplistic, but powerful tool known as The Agenda. Webster defines agenda as “the plan or list of things to be done”.
In business negotiation training we utilize this concept as the final stage of Aggressive Preparation. It’s called Create the Agenda. I’ve made over 5000 sales calls in my career. Many of those involved some type of negotiation. When I learned to always bring the agenda, my success rate increased dramatically. Here’s what an agenda it does to the negotiation dynamic:
1) It’s an immediate compliment to the Other Side. It essentially says “your time is valuable, so I’ve done this to make our meeting more valuable.”
2) Rarely will the other side have one, so you’ve subtly gained control of the meeting.
3) This control allows you to set the pace and the sequence of discussion.
Agenda’s don’t have to be complex or fancy. In fact, simple, one-page documents with bulleted points work best. Agenda’s also tend to keep the discussion factual and focused. In the Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop we devote the majority of our effort to Aggressive Preparation. 90% of a successful negotiation occurs here. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon.
JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
February 7th, 2010 by jwting
A million years ago, cavemen and cavewomen strutted their status by piling rocks. Those with the tallest piles got the best caves that had the ocean view and wheelbarrows with power steering. And so it continues today.
It’s human nature for people to want their piles to be higher than the other guy. If I take your rocks and add them to my pile, I win. And vice versa. So we negotiate.
Here’s the rub: 70% of people prefer to avoid negotiation entirely. They’ll do it reluctantly, but deep down inside they wish it would just go away. And when you peel away the layers of this reluctant onion, what you find is a fear of losing.
The Past: 8 Most Important Words in Business were Buy Low, Sell High, Collect Early, Pay Late.
Historically our collective view of negotiation was buying a used car. Aggressive, pushy salesman trying to get you to decide now, pay more, don’t delay. We hate that. It’s called “positional” negotiating, which imposes my position on yours. It isn’t really negotiation at all. It’s a competition. And in competitions there are winners and losers. Ergo, the fear of losing.
The Future: The Relationship must outlive the Negotiation
In business, we have to face that customer, supplier or employee tomorrow, and the next day. There’s an ongoing relationship. We start all negotiations with the realization and belief that the relationship must outlive the negotiation.
The definitive work on great negotiation is “Getting to Yes” by Fisher and Ury, written almost 40 years ago. They propose a different method from traditional positional negotiation, called “merits” or “interests” negotiation. We subscribe to this new method. In fact we take it further. We believe in “Both Grow” negotiation in which all sides elevate and grow.
Every Negotiation should start with two objectives:
- Get the best deal for our side; and
- Get a “Both Grow” outcome for both sides.
Sound impossible? Not at all. Are we serving conflicting masters here…not really. Just seems that way. When negotiation is done right, it’s a great achievement.
In the Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop you’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
If you’re committed to continuous improvement and building a world-class business, we should talk.
JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
February 6th, 2010 by jwting
Your bad knee tells you when a storm is coming. Your gut instincts do the same with negotiation. Storm clouds form up and let you know trouble is imminent.
And then the phone rings. Your customer, supplier or employee has an issue and it’s going to cost you a bunch. Gotta move quick or the world will end. Decide now. Don’t delay. They need an answer NOW!
No they don’t. Slow down. Call a Timeout. Negotiations are opportunities for great outcomes. Or they can be disasters. Do NOT be rushed.
90% of a successful negotiation occurs in the “Aggressive Preparation” stage. And that takes time. If you skip the prep, you’re guaranteed a poor outcome. One of our Tactics from the Trenches is “Control the Timing”. Regardless of what side your on, it can be done. Set the date and time. And the place too if you can. Do not relinquish that important negotiation factor called “pace”. Grab it. Own it.
When you control the timing, you subtly gain control of the whole process. It’s an ethical, decent and effective tactic.
The Humble Confidence Negotiation Workshop is full of great ideas. You’ll pump up your business negotiation skills and learn lifelong negotiation strategies for success.
Let’s talk soon…JT
John W. Tinghitella
www.humbleconfidence.com
